As you requested, I’m enclosing a check for $ .
怎么样，修改后的句子是不是看起来更清爽，更容易理解呢?的确，这句话的"腔调"要更加natural一些。首先，这个句子中也因为用到了"you""I"这样的词而使它更有亲和力，而不是那么冷冰冰。其次，从专业的角度来看，修改后的句子简明扼要，既节约了写信人的写作时间，又节约了收信人的阅读时间，这种"减法"恰恰体现了高效的商务沟通对专业度的要求。
大家再来看两封邮件，这两封邮件都是在阐述同一个问题。相信大家读完这两封邮件后，会对邮件的"腔调"有一个更加直观的认识。
With reference to your order for a Nashito Camcorder, we are in receipt of your check and are returning same.
I beg to inform you that, as a manufacturer, our company sells camcorders to dealers only. In compliance with our wholesale agreement, we deem it best to refrain from direct business with private consumers.
For your information, there are many retailers in your vicinity who carry Nashito Camcorders. Attached please find a list of said dealers.
We have received your order for a Nashito Camcorder but, unfortunately, must return your check.
As a manufacturer, we sell only to dealers, with whom we have very clear wholesale agreements.
Nevertheless, we sincerely appreciate your interest in Nashito products. We are therefore enclosing a list of retailers in your community who carry a full line of our camcorders. Any one of them will be happy to serve you.
怎么样，乍一看，很难看出两封邮件写的是一件事情吧?例2的第一段就把主旨意思点明了：我们已经收到了你的订单，但是很遗憾，我们不得不退还你的支票。而例1绕来绕去绕到最后才知道原来是要拒绝订单。
综上所述，商务英语邮件的"腔调"其实没有那么复杂，表达自然、言简意赅就可以写出一个漂亮的邮件。
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