RamblingSentencesandtheubiquitous"and"
松散句在文章中随处可见，难以消亡。松散句在语法上并没错误，它只是太长，且干扰读者对文章的理解，不幸的是，犯有此类毛病的作者往往屡见不鲜。对此可遵循一条好的原则：如果发现一个句子长及两到三行，则仔细考虑两遍，它很可能要彻底改动。
Rambling:Theplanewasreadytotakeoff;havingnevertraveledbyplanebeforehesuddenlyfeltnervousastheskyominouslyturnedfromgraytoblack,andthreateningboltsoflightningshotacrossthesky,andthunderechoedinthedistance.
Better:Theplanewasreadytotakeoff.Hehadnevertraveledbyplaneandsuddenlyfeltnervousastheskyturnedominouslyfromgraytoblack.Threateningboltsoflighteningshotacrossthesky,andthunderechoedinthedistance.
Rambling:WeregrettoinformyouthatinclementweatherconditionsinourareahavecausedustoreschedulealldeliveriesforthemonthofFebruarysothatwemustalsorescheduleshipmentofyourordertoFebruary16.
Better:I’msorrytoletyouknowthatawinterstormwilldelayshipmentofyourorderuntilFebruary16.
松散句经常有很多"and"。在口语中，尚可多用几个"and"但若过多地出现在书面英语中，则令人难以接受。取代"and"的方法是改用逗号或从属结构，或者干脆省略。
Plain:TheGovernorofHongKongdescendedthelongandwindingstaircase.
Interesting:TheGovernorofHongKongdescendedthelong,windingstaircase.
Plain:Mygrandparentsspentlongsummerhoursundertheold,tallandshadytreeinthecourtyard.
Interesting:Mygrandparentsspentlongsummerhoursundertheold,tall,shadytreeinthecourtyard.
Plain:Byattendingthisworkshop,youwilllearnjustwhichcosmeticessentialsyouneedandwhichformulasarejustyourstyle.
Interesting:Byattendingthisworkshop,youwilllearnjustwhichcosmeticessentialsyouneed,whichformulasarejustyourstyle.
Plain:Toamanharassedbyanaggingwifeandundisciplinedchildren,workawayfromhomecanbeagreatblessing,andawelcomeescape.
Interesting:Toamanharassedbyanaggingwifeandundisciplinedchildren,workawayfromhomecanbeagreatblessing,awelcomeescape.
Ineffective:TheYangtzeRiverisoneofthelongestriversintheworld,andinthespringtimeitoccasionallyoverflowsitsbanks,andmanypeopleareendangered.
Improved:TheYangtzeRiver,oneofthelongestriversintheworld,occasionallyendangersmanypeopleduringthespringtimebyoverflowingitsbanks.
Ineffective:Thevillagehadapopulationofseventhousand,andatyphoonstruckit,anditwaspracticallydemolished.
Improved:Thevillage,withitsseventhousandpeople,wasstruckbyatyphoonandpracticallydemolished.
Ineffective:Hewasthemayorofthetown,andhewasagenialfellow,andheinvitedthefouryoungboysintohisstudy.
Improved:Themayorofthetown,agenialfellow,invitedthefouryoungboysintohisstudy.
Ineffective:ThecentralplainholdsSwitzerland’smajormanufacturingfacilitiesandmanyofthemspecializeinhigh-qualityandprecisionproducts.
Improved:ThecentralplainholdsSwitzerland’smajormanufacturingfacilities,manyofthemspecializinginhigh-quality,precisionproducts.
Plain:Ihadalwayswantedtogotocollege,andIhadalwayswishedtobecomeanengineer,andsoIenrolledatDalianUniversityofScienceandTechnology
Interesting:BecauseIhadalwayswantedtoentercollegeandpreparemyselftobecomeanengineer,IenrolledatDalianUniversityofScienceandTechnology.
IenrolledatDalianUniversityofScienceandTechnologytoachievemydoublepurposeofattendingcollegeandbecominganengineer.
Plain:Nearthecenterofthecampusofouruniversityanewbuildinghasbeenerected,anditisconstructedofredbrick.
Better:Ared-brickbuildinghasbeenerectednearthecenterofouruniversitycampus.
或Nearthecenterofouruniversitycampusisthebrandnewred-brickbuilding.
