Ihatebeinganon-smoker.Itissoboring!ItoccurredtometheotherdaythatIreallywouldbealothappierifIsmoked.Whensomeonesays“goodmorning”tome,Icannotjustignorehimorherandgohaveasmoke.Infact,Iseldomgetanextrabreakinmyworkday.IcannotstopwhatI’mdoingtohaveaquickcigarette.IdonotgettogooutsideandhangaroundtalkingtotheothersmokersatregularintervalsonthepretensethatI’mhavingnicotinefit.I’mnotabletousenicotineasanexcuseformybadtemperinthemorning.Ifmynervesarejittery,
Imusthavesomesortofpsychologicalproblem.IcannotsayitisbecauseIhavenothadacigarette.Ican’tevengotothepsychologistandpretenditisfor“helptostopsmoking.”Idonothaveanythingtoholdinmyhandtocalmmynerves.Idonotgetthesatisfactionofthrowingmybuttsdownforotherstocleanup.Noonepraisesmefortryingtoquit—becauseIneversmokedinthefirstplace.IdonothaveanexcusetobuynewfurniturebecauseIaccidentallymakeaburnmarkonsomething.
ThecandlesonmybirthdaycakesmokemorethanIdo.Idon’thavetositinthesmokingsectionatarestaurant—andsoIamalwaysinthefamilysectionwithpeoplewhohavetheirkidsalong.Atthetheater,Idonothaveareasontogoouttothelobbyduringintermissions.Ineverhaveanexcusetogetoutofthehouseandruntothestoreforapackageofcigarettes.Yes,smokersaremuchhappierpeople.Ifitwerejustnotforthatnagginglittlequestionaboutcancer,I’dsmoketoo.