IhavealwaysfoundtheChinesetobeaverygraciouspeople.Inparticular,Chinesefrequentlycomplimentforeignfriendsontheirlanguageskills,knowledgeofChineseculture,professionalaccomplishments,andpersonalhealth.Curiously,however,Chineseareasloathtoacceptacomplimentastheyareeagertogiveone.AsmanyofmyChinesefriendshaveexplained,thisisamanifestationoftheChinesevirtueofmodesty.Ihavenoticedadifference,though,inthedegreetowhichmodestyisemphasizedintheUnitedStatesandChina.IntheUS,wetendtoplacemoreemphasison“seekingthetruthfromfact;”thus,Americanstendtoacceptacomplimentwithgratitude.
Chinese,ontheotherhand,tendtorejectthecompliment,evenwhentheyknowtheydeservethecreditorrecognitionwhichhasbeenawardedthem.IcanimagineaChinesebasketballfanmeetingMichaelJordanoftheChicagoBulls.Hemightsay,“Mr.Jordan,Iamsohappytomeetyou.Ijustwanttotellyou,youarethebestbasketballplayerintheworld;you’rethegreatest!”towhichJordanwouldprobablyrespond,“Thankyouverymuch.Ireallyappreciateit!IjustdotrytodomybesteverytimeIsteponthecourt.”IfanAmericanmetDengYaping,China’spremierpingpongplayer,hemightsaymuchthesamething:“Ms.Deng,you’rethebest!”butasaChinese,Dengwouldprobablysay,
“No,Ireallydon’tplayallthatwell.You’retoomuchkind.”Plainly,AmericansandChinesehavedifferentwaysofrespondingtopraise.Ironically,manyAmericansmightconsiderMs.Deng’shypotheticalresponsethelessmodest,becauseitislesstruthful—andthereforelesssincere.Americansgenerallyplacesincerityaboveetiquette;genuinegratitudeforthepraiseservesasasubstituteforprotestationsofmodesty.Afterall,inthewordsofoneofmyclosestChinesefriends,modestytakentotheextremeisarrogance.
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