ihavealwaysfoundthechinesetobeaverygraciouspeople.inparticular,chinesefrequentlycomplimentforeignfriendsontheirlanguageskills,knowledgeofchineseculture,professionalaccomplishments,andpersonalhealth.curiously,however,chineseareasloathtoacceptacomplimentastheyareeagertogiveone.
asmanyofmychinesefriendshaveexplained,thisisamanifestationofthechinesevirtueofmodesty.ihavenoticedadifference,though,inthedegreetowhichmodestyisemphasizedintheunitedstatesandchina.intheus,wetendtoplacemoreemphasison“seekingthetruthfromfact;”thus,americanstendtoacceptacomplimentwithgratitude.chinese,ontheotherhand,tendtorejectthecompliment,evenwhentheyknowtheydeservethecreditorrecognitionwhichhasbeenawardedthem.icanimagineachinesebasketballfanmeetingmichaeljordanofthechicagobulls.hemightsay,“mr.jordan,iamsohappytomeetyou.ijustwanttotellyou,youarethebestbasketballplayerintheworld;you’rethegreatest!”towhichjordanwouldprobablyrespond,“thankyouverymuch.ireallyappreciateit!ijustdotrytodomybesteverytimeisteponthecourt.”ifanamericanmetdengyaping,china’spremierpingpongplayer,hemightsaymuchthesamething:“ms.deng,you’rethebest!”butasachinese,dengwouldprobablysay,“no,ireallydon’tplayallthatwell.you’retoomuchkind.”plainly,americansandchinesehavedifferentwaysofrespondingtopraise.ironically,manyamericansmightconsiderms.deng’shypotheticalresponsethelessmodest,becauseitislesstruthful—andthereforelesssincere.americansgenerallyplacesincerityaboveetiquette;genuinegratitudeforthepraiseservesasasubstituteforprotestationsofmodesty.afterall,inthewordsofoneofmyclosestchinesefriends,modestytakentotheextremeisarrogance.
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