After22yearsofmarriage,Ihavediscoveredthesecrettokeeploveandintimacyaliveinmyrelationshipwithmywife,Peggy:Istarteddatingwithanotherwoman.ItwasPeggy’sidea,actually,“youknowyouloveher,”shesaidoneday,takingmeinsurprise.Theotherwomanmywifewasencouragingmetodateismymother,a72-year-oldwidowwhohaslivedalonesincemyfatherdied20yearsago.IhadpromisedmyselfthatIwouldspendmoretimewithmom.Butwiththedemandsofmyjobandthreekids,Inevergotaroundtoseeinghermuchbeyondfamilyget-togethersandholidays.Shewassurprisedandsuspicious,whenIcalledandsuggestedthetwoofusgoouttodinnerandamovie.
Shethinksanythingoutoftheordinarysignalsbadnews.“Ithoughtitwouldbenicetospendsometimewithyou,”Isaid,“Justthetwoofus.”“Iwouldlikethatalot,”shesaid.Wedidn’tgoanywherefancy,justaneighborhoodplacewherewecouldtalk.Mymotherclutchedmyarm,halfoutofaffectionandhalftohelphernegotiatetherestaurantsteps.Sincehereyesnowseeonlylargeshapesandshadows,Ihadtoreadthemenuforbothofus.“Iusedtobethereaderwhenyouwerelittle,”mymothersmiled.
Iunderstoodwhatshewassaying.Fromcare-givertocared-for,fromcared-fortocare-giver,ourrelationshiphadcomefullcircle.“Thenitistimeforyoutorelaxandletmereturnthefavor.”Isaid.Wehadanicetalkoverdinner.Wetalkedforsolongthatwemissedthemovie.“Iwillgooutwithyouagain.”MymothersaidasIdroppedheroff,“butonlyifyouletmebuydinnernexttime.”Iagreed.NowMomandIgotoutfordinneracoupleoftimesamonth.
