Beethovenprobablybegantogodeafin1797,buthetriedtokeepitasecret,whileconsultingdoctorsandtryingvariousremedies,suchastheapplicationofalmondoil.[29]Hewasextremelyanxiousaboutitspossibleeffectonhiscareerasamusician,andembarrassedbyitseffectonhissociallife.Inthesummerof1801hewrotetotwofriendsexpressingtheanxietythathisbestyearswouldpass"withoutmybeingabletoachieveallthatmytalentandmystrengthhavecommandedmetodo".Althoughtemptedtokillhimself,"theonlythingthatheldmebackwasmyart.ForindeeditseemedtomeimpossibletoleavethisworldbeforeIhadproducedalltheworksthatIfelttheurgetocompose".ItcouldbearguedthatBeethoven'sdeafnesshelpedthedevelopmentofhisart:isolatedfromtheworld,andunabletoperform,hecoulddevoteallhistimetocomposing.[30]In1804hisfriendStephanvonBreuning,withwhomhebrieflysharedlodgings,wrotetoFranzWeglerabouttheterribleeffecthisgraduallossofhearingwashavingonBeethoven:ithadcausedhimtodistrusthisfriends,andhewasbecomingverydifficulttobewith.Butaboveallelse,Beethovenwasdedicatedtohisartandtheurgetocomposeremainedwithhimthroughouthislife.[31]Itmaybethatheshieldedawayfromthecommitmentofmarriagebecauseheknewitwouldinterferewithhisart.